My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
