I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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