it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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