I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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