um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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