could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
