Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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