I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
