I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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