Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
