I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How does one acquire holy water?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
