so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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