Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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