I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
