Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
