I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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