i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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