our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Found the puke drawer
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
