So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
whose ass print is on the piano?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
