i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Please don't give away my fajitas
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
