it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
