Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
