Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
