I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
