im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
they're like a gay fantastic four
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
