We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
