I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
the raccoons are back...
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