I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
