i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
