i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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