He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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