I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
