she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
