I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
