The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
