I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
