so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
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He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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