Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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