wanna go halves on a baby?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
