Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
