i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
