Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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