I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
