Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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