Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
