he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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