im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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