I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
