do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
