Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Pants are for mortals
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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