Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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