Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
