last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
