we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
