you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
