it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
