our cab driver is having phone sex.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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