Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
