and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
