My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
