at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You ruined the universe
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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