Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
