its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
