Dual....:-)
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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