If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Randomize
