I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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