puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I have fence marks all over my body
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
