it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
