3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
