I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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