God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
