Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
