Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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