if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
